wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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