I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize