It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
