At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
