yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
