so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
