like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
