Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
