well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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