So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
