I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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