True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
