I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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