it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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