Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
