I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
