Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Randomize
