She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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