the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
