ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
