Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
