I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
