My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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