well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
