Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
