Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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