id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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