It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My ass is underappreciated
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
