i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's never too late to be topless.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
