It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
