I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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