Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
