very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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