dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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