ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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