Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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