I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
