To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
