My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
