I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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