Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
