I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
