This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize