Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
