Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
