I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Someone shattered a urinal.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
