when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
