dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
