I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
