With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
