Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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