at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize