Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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