i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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