TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
