So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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