If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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