Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize