if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize