Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
