I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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