I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
