best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
