I want to make a zoo with you.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
